From easton@bio.fsu.edu Thu Jun 17 15:34:22 2004 Return-Path: Received: from mxfs.nettally.com (mxfs.nettally.com [199.44.114.227]) by nexus.polaris.net (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id i5HJYL2U009704 for ; Thu, 17 Jun 2004 15:34:21 -0400 (EDT) Received: from gateway3.nettally.com [199.44.114.226] by mxfs.nettally.com with ESMTP (SMTPD32-8.03) id A23AA55E0112; Thu, 17 Jun 2004 15:34:18 -0400 Received: from gull.mail.pas.earthlink.net (207.217.120.84) by gateway3.nettally.com (Alligate(TM) SMTP Gateway v1.4.612.2) with ESMPT id <8B6B06A9C767B660.A96C29830D9FF3A4@gateway3.nettally.com> for ; Thu, 17 Jun 2004 15:34:10 -0500 Received: from user10.net1607.fl.sprint-hsd.net ([67.76.3.10] helo=easton-pc.bio.fsu.edu) by gull.mail.pas.earthlink.net with esmtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 1Bb2eG-0001Pu-00 for kermit@polaris.net; Thu, 17 Jun 2004 12:34:09 -0700 Message-Id: <5.1.0.14.2.20040617153136.0339c210@bio.fsu.edu> X-Sender: easton@bio.fsu.edu X-Mailer: QUALCOMM Windows Eudora Version 5.1 Date: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 15:37:18 -0400 To: "Kermit Rose" From: "Dr. Dexter Easton" Subject: literary criticism Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="=====================_10529071==_.ALT" X-Alligate: Not subscribed X-Declude-Status: Waiting for activation code Status: ROr --=====================_10529071==_.ALT Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format=flowed Kermit, I'm complimented that you should ask my opinion of your literary effort. I fear you've asked the wrong "expert", for I rarely read fiction, and am therefor a poor critic. I guess I have enough trouble with what I perceive as reality. However, since you give me the opportunity, I'll vent my prejudiced opinions, and comment on some purely technical points, at least. First, from a grammatical standpoint, the piece seems in good shape. You've got two trivial typos: "sufficiently" lacks an f, near end of p. 2, and you need the plural "guys" in third line from the end. In the middle of p.2, I think it should probably be "only know that liftoff failed", even in conversation. Well, maybe not! For clarity, the quoted section on p. 1, interrupted by an non-quoted line, ought to be separated off, perhaps in italics, to show clearly that it comes from the radio. Although the intended lift-off from the moon does hint that the events are some time in the future, I was somewhat surprised to find finally (p. 5) we are supposed to be in a time about as much in the future as my lifetime thus far. Considering the exponential change during the past century will continue into the next, I would think the white camper trucks with punch button radios would be long gone. Is there something significant about the "small black box"? (bottom, p. 2). The sound equipment sounds like current apparatus. Will they have such primitive microphones (with such unreliable circuitry) in 2090? Wont "airplanes" (middle page 3) already almost a century old, be obsolete by that time? Is Helen's surname Turban or Tam (p.5) perhaps??? Golly, will Superman (middle of p. 3) still be around nearly a century from now? There seems to be a faint air of conspiracy that perhaps you develop in subsequent chapters, but for the present, I am left somewhat confused as to what's going on. There is the (unsaid) possibility of sexual tension in the relation between Helen and her two amiable boy friends. Perhaps more overt is the possibility that these three are to be somehow involved with the two inquisitorial Senators. But that is not at all clear. So, in sum, I can't see where this is going, but as one who claims to eschew fantasy, I am not one to say whether that is good or bad. Again, thanks for the chance to be a literary critic. Good luck! Dexter --=====================_10529071==_.ALT Content-Type: text/html; charset="us-ascii" Kermit,
I’m complimented that you should ask my opinion of your literary effort. I fear you’ve asked the wrong “expert”, for I rarely read fiction, and am therefor a poor critic. I guess I have enough trouble with what I perceive as reality. However, since you give me the opportunity, I’ll vent my prejudiced opinions, and comment on some purely technical points, at least.
First, from a grammatical standpoint, the piece seems in good shape. You’ve got two trivial typos: “sufficiently” lacks an f, near end of p. 2, and you need the plural “guys” in third line from the end. In the middle of p.2, I think it should probably be “only know that liftoff failed”, even in conversation. Well, maybe not!
For clarity, the quoted section on p. 1, interrupted by an non-quoted line, ought to be separated off, perhaps in italics, to show clearly that it comes from the radio.

Although the intended lift-off from the moon does hint that the events are some time in the future, I was somewhat surprised to find finally (p. 5) we are supposed to be in a time about as much in the future as my lifetime thus far. Considering the exponential change during the past century will continue into the next, I would think the white camper trucks with punch button radios would be long gone.

Is there something significant about the “small black box”? (bottom, p. 2). The sound equipment sounds like current apparatus. Will they have such primitive microphones (with such unreliable circuitry) in 2090? Wont “airplanes” (middle page 3) already almost a century old, be obsolete by that time?
Is Helen’s surname Turban or Tam (p.5) perhaps??? Golly, will Superman (middle of p. 3) still be around nearly a century from now?

There seems to be a faint air of conspiracy that perhaps you develop in subsequent chapters, but for the present, I am left somewhat confused as to what’s going on. There is the (unsaid) possibility of sexual tension in the relation between Helen and her two amiable boy friends. Perhaps more overt is the possibility that these three are to be somehow involved with the two inquisitorial Senators. But that is not at all clear.
So, in sum, I can’t see where this is going, but as one who claims to eschew fantasy, I am not one to say whether that is good or bad.

Again, thanks for the chance to be a literary critic. Good luck!
Dexter
--=====================_10529071==_.ALT-- From david@ddrose.com Sun Jun 20 20:35:23 2004 Return-Path: Received: from mxfs.nettally.com (mxfs.nettally.com [199.44.114.227]) by nexus.polaris.net (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id i5L0ZNe4000722 for ; Sun, 20 Jun 2004 20:35:23 -0400 (EDT) Received: from gateway3.nettally.com [199.44.114.226] by mxfs.nettally.com with ESMTP (SMTPD32-8.03) id AD497C140118; Sun, 20 Jun 2004 20:35:21 -0400 Received: from orpheus.ddrose.com (66.127.7.33) by gateway3.nettally.com (Alligate(TM) SMTP Gateway v1.4.612.2) with ESMPT id <95964407E5BDF7C0.A26A33E26D3AA544@gateway3.nettally.com> for ; Sun, 20 Jun 2004 20:35:13 -0500 Received: from ddrose.com (pegasus.ddrose.com [192.168.0.2]) by orpheus.ddrose.com (8.12.8/8.12.8) with ESMTP id i5L0Z0FY023610 for ; Sun, 20 Jun 2004 17:35:01 -0700 Message-ID: <40D62D3A.1030101@ddrose.com> Date: Sun, 20 Jun 2004 17:35:06 -0700 From: David Rose User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-US; rv:1.6) Gecko/20040113 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: kermit@polaris.net Subject: Re: Revisions of novel. References: <40D0C5F6.10043.269A262@localhost> In-Reply-To: <40D0C5F6.10043.269A262@localhost> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Alligate: Not subscribed X-Declude-Status: Waiting for activation code Status: ROr Hi, Dad! Happy Father's Day! I hope your day is going well. I had a chance to look over your latest revision of chapter one today, and I downloaded the entire text to read some more over the next few days. I think chapter one is really coming together well. While reading it, I get the sense of coming to know the three main characters, and I feel like I want to learn more about them. I also get a good sense of the developing situations and it seems (from the imagined point of view of someone unfamiliar with the rest of the story) that there is potential for many interesting things to happen, which also draws me in and makes me want to read chapter two and remaining chapters. I think the pacing of the chapter feels good. There's a lot of things that happen in a short amount of time--we are introduced to the Three Musketeers, to the astronaut dilemma, and to the two senators, not to mention the blue spark--but it all serves to draw my interest in, so it seems perfectly appropriate for a first chapter. I notice that you cut out a lot of the description of the concert itself, which at first I missed, but on reflection I think that's probably a good decision--you can talk more about Helen's beautiful singing (and the group's excellent musicianship) in another chapter. There's enough in chapter one as it is. In fact, the only things I can find to object to are minor grammar and typographical conventions. In other words, I absolutely love it! In the following I will point out my minor objections. > "Think I can figure it out huh? Well I can't. Not really. We This should be "Well, I can't." As Schoolhouse Rock taught me on Saturday morning television while I was growing up (imagine the following set to music): "Interjections show excitement or emotion. They're generally set apart from a sentence by an exclamation point, or by a comma when the feeling's not as strong." > suficiently relaxed, Helen opened her eyes. "Okay... I'm ready to You misspelled "sufficiently." Also, although this rule is not rigidly followed, the convention for typing an ellipsis (three dots) is to put spaces between them: "Okay . . . ". > Helen smiled. "Thanks guys." Again, you need a comma here: "Thanks, guys." This time it separates the primary clause ("[I give you] thanks") from the clarification of the people being addressed ("guys"). > Bob turned to Joe. " After we get rich, you could buy some ultra > light quality modern equipment. That is, unless you are having fun Be careful with extraneous spaces following an open-quote mark. I think "ultra light" should be hyphenated here. In general, the rule is that if a two-word phrase is used as a single adjective within a larger phrase, it should be hyphenated. > showing off this hundred year old stuff that you inherited from your Again, the hyphenation rule applies here: "hundred-year-old stuff". > "Well Joe, you are the tallest and strongest of us. I thought it That interjection rule again: "Well, Joe, you are the tallest . . ." > "Bob, don't you ever dream of flying?" Helen felt she needed to > defend herself and Joe! I'm not sure if you need the sentence "Helen felt she needed to defend herself and Joe!" I think it's perfectly clear that she does. > "Broken Strings". Every few months we change our band name. We will probably Although it's a strange rule which I don't follow all the time, you are supposed to put punctuation inside an adjacent close-quotation mark, even if it doesn't belong there: "Broken Strings." > set the chairs in neat staggered rows in front of the stage. Next, She An accidental capitalization of "She". > Helen raised her voice as she responded. "Look mister! We have a A missing comma here: "Look, mister!" (Separating the primary clause from the person being addressed again.) > Joe paused, then smilling at the audience, said, "I will give you Incorrect spelling of "smiling." > Taking a firmer hold of the microphone, Joe continued,"Today is Need a space following the comma. > Saturday, July 1st, 2090. Why am I reminding you of this? It's so that Given a choice, when writing prose I think it's generally better to write words than to use digits: "first," rather than "1st." (But it would be silly to try to write out "2090.") > obscured her vision. A commanding mellow voice filled her awareness.; "She's Seems to be an extraneous semicolon here. > Joe addressed the crowd around him. "Thanks for your concern > folks. But now we need to pack up our gear and clear the hall." "Thanks for your concern, folks." > The crowd dispersed. As Senator Bellum walked through the exit I think it would be helpful to clarify with just a little more emphasis that the senators are walking away, and not towards the stage, so that they are no longer within Helen's natural earshot. I was momentarily confused until I realized this. Perhaps "As Senator Bellum walked away through the exit door," would be sufficient. > Joe grinned. "Because I invited them." I really like ending the chapter here! It promises lots of interesting things to happen in the next chapter. David From jrl02c@garnet.acns.fsu.edu Mon Jun 21 00:04:34 2004 Return-Path: Received: from mxfs.nettally.com (mxfs.nettally.com [199.44.114.227]) by nexus.polaris.net (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id i5L44YOt006106 for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 00:04:34 -0400 (EDT) Received: from gateway3.nettally.com [199.44.114.226] by mxfs.nettally.com with ESMTP (SMTPD32-8.03) id AE50AED8013C; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 00:04:32 -0400 Received: from ms1.acns.fsu.edu (146.201.2.61) by gateway3.nettally.com (Alligate(TM) SMTP Gateway v1.4.612.2) with ESMPT id <90FF52317D33DF7A.8E2E4F3B973293DF@gateway3.nettally.com> for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 00:04:11 -0500 Received: from fire3.fsu.edu (fire3.fsu.edu [128.186.6.153]) by ms1.acns.fsu.edu (8.12.8p1/8.12.8) with ESMTP id i5L44AYe032396 for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 00:04:10 -0400 Received: from fire3.fsu.edu (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by fire3.fsu.edu (8.11.6p3/8.11.6) with ESMTP id i5L44A501424 for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 00:04:10 -0400 (EDT) Message-Id: <200406210404.i5L44A501424@fire3.fsu.edu> Content-Type: text/plain Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: binary X-Mailer: EMUmail 5.1 X-Originating-Ip: 205.161.141.0 X-Webmail-User: jrl02c@garnet.acns.fsu.edu To: kermit@polaris.net MIME-Version: 1.0 X-Http_host: webmail.fsu.edu From: jrl02c@garnet.acns.fsu.edu Subject: Chapter One (Of Your Book)!! Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 0:04:10 EDT Reply-To: jrl02c@garnet.acns.fsu.edu X-ACNS-MailScanner: Found to be clean X-Alligate: Not subscribed X-Declude-Status: Waiting for activation code Status: ROr Kermit, I have finally been able to look at my emails, and I have printed out your Chapter One, of your book. I will start reading it tomorrow. As soon as I finish reading it, I will email you to let you know what I think of your first Chapter. Alos i will be giving you a call in a couple of days, to talk about us meeting to study for the Clast Mathematics portion that I have to take this October. You and I had already talked about this, and we will probably be meeting during the months of July and September. Thank You, John Leonard From BIliff@admin.fsu.edu Mon Jun 21 08:24:44 2004 Return-Path: Received: from mxfs.nettally.com (mxfs.nettally.com [199.44.114.227]) by nexus.polaris.net (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id i5LCOho8017200 for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 08:24:43 -0400 (EDT) Received: from gateway1.nettally.com [199.44.114.221] by mxfs.nettally.com with ESMTP (SMTPD32-8.03) id A388F896013A; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 08:24:40 -0400 Received: from ms2.acns.fsu.edu (146.201.2.62) by gateway1.nettally.com (Alligate(TM) SMTP Gateway v1.4.612.2) with ESMPT id for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 08:24:36 -0500 Received: from fsu-ex03.fsu.edu (fsu-ex03.fsu.edu [146.201.7.217]) by ms2.acns.fsu.edu (8.12.8p1/8.12.8) with ESMTP id i5LCOYPN009198 for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 08:24:34 -0400 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft Exchange V6.0.6487.1 content-class: urn:content-classes:message MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Subject: RE: Chapter 1 on my novel in progress Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 08:23:55 -0400 Message-ID: <9A0C08F90C62594FA55FC8481FF4BE7F02CDA3FB@fsu-ex03.fsu.edu> X-MS-Has-Attach: X-MS-TNEF-Correlator: Thread-Topic: Chapter 1 on my novel in progress Thread-Index: AcRUCGYJYyif02HrSbSLYxxyebKxuADghoWQ From: "Iliff, Bill" To: X-ACNS-MailScanner: Found to be clean X-Alligate: Not subscribed X-Declude-Status: Waiting for activation code Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-MIME-Autoconverted: from quoted-printable to 8bit by nexus.polaris.net id i5LCOho8017200 Status: ROr Hey Kermit, that is pretty good. Send me the next chapter when it is done. Bill -----Original Message----- From: Kermit Rose [mailto:kermit@polaris.net] Sent: Wednesday, June 16, 2004 9:16 PM To: Iliff, Bill Subject: Chapter 1 on my novel in progress Hello Bill! I've been working on my novel recently. Here is chapter 1. Coming into Power From verna325@juno.com Mon Jun 21 11:00:06 2004 Return-Path: Received: from mxfs.nettally.com (mxfs.nettally.com [199.44.114.227]) by nexus.polaris.net (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id i5LF05o7021691 for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 11:00:06 -0400 (EDT) Received: from gateway3.nettally.com [199.44.114.226] by mxfs.nettally.com with ESMTP (SMTPD32-8.03) id A7F3DC930144; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 11:00:03 -0400 Received: from m25.lax.untd.com (64.136.30.88) by gateway3.nettally.com (Alligate(TM) SMTP Gateway v1.4.612.2) with ESMPT id <894582A185B852AD.B210A620B44FA188@gateway3.nettally.com> for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 10:59:58 -0500 X-UNTD-OriginStamp: jMqxoj13MMgyCwdiMEyWm7w3hyhlIauejRm5OLoOolaAsTxF/DJMpQ== Received: (from verna325@juno.com) by m25.lax.untd.com (jqueuemail) id JYNJJNK3; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 07:59:03 PDT To: kermit@polaris.net Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 10:57:20 -0400 Subject: Re: Chapter 1 of your novel in progress Message-ID: <20040621.105721.3188.0.verna325@juno.com> X-Mailer: Juno 4.0.3 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Juno-Line-Breaks: 0-1,3-5,7,9-11,13-15,17-20,22-23,25,27,29-30,32-34,36,38,40-45 X-Juno-Att: 0 X-Juno-RefParts: 0 From: Verna Safran X-Alligate: Not subscribed X-Declude-Status: Waiting for activation code Status: ROr Kermit, July 6th is a Tuesday, and the show starts at 7:30 p.m. I've got a complete cast now, thanks to recommendations, accidents, and miracles. Re: Characters with only good qualities -- they'd have to be saints! And even the saints were a little bit screwed up. You want characters your readers can identify with, and little foibles will endear your characters to your audience. Take a look at some of the characters in fiction who are so vivid we feel we'd recognize them if we met them on the street: . Sherlock Holmes -- smoked and took opium. He was also an incredible snob and rude at times . Nero Wolfe - overweight, and obsessed with growing orchids . Professor Henry Higgins -- much like Sherlock, he used people, and disdained women In a serious work, a foible would be called a "tragic flaw." For all his many talents, Hamlet was a procrastinator. In a comedy, the quirk would make us laugh. Look at Lucy in "I Love Lucy." She's willing to try anything, impulsively, and gets into the soup -- literally. Even Superman had weaknesses -- as Clark Kent, he was bespectacled and shy. Re: Your ending: I suggest you sit down soon and write the last chapter. Then the other chapters will lead up to it and will fall into place. Don't forget that endings are like life and there's no one perfect ending. If you don't like the ending you write down the first time, try another one. Lotsa luck to you, too, verna From cstephens@bernheim.org Mon Jun 21 11:39:51 2004 Return-Path: Received: from mxfs.nettally.com (mxfs.nettally.com [199.44.114.227]) by nexus.polaris.net (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id i5LFdoCw022842 for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 11:39:51 -0400 (EDT) Received: from gateway2.nettally.com [199.44.114.220] by mxfs.nettally.com with ESMTP (SMTPD32-8.03) id A144BB36012A; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 11:39:48 -0400 Received: from heathers.stdio.com (199.89.192.5) by gateway2.nettally.com (Alligate(TM) SMTP Gateway v1.4.612.2) with ESMPT id for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 11:39:39 -0500 Received: from 101 ([207.246.64.54]) by heathers.stdio.com (8.11.6/8.11.6) with SMTP id i5LFdcu12400 for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 11:39:38 -0400 (EDT) (envelope-from cstephens@bernheim.org) Received: by localhost with Microsoft MAPI; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 11:37:53 -0400 Message-ID: <01C45784.304F00C0.cstephens@bernheim.org> From: Claude Stephens To: "'kermit@polaris.net'" Subject: RE: Chapter 1 of my novel in progress Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 11:37:52 -0400 Organization: I W Bernheim Foundation X-Mailer: Microsoft Internet E-mail/MAPI - 8.0.0.4211 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Alligate: Not subscribed X-Declude-Status: Waiting for activation code Status: ROr Hello Kermit, Thanks for sharing Chapter 1. I printed it out so I can give it a read when I get home. I don't have a computer at home and I'm too swamped at work to do it now. It will have to wait for my porch sittin time. Take care, Claude -----Original Message----- From: Kermit Rose [SMTP:kermit@polaris.net] Sent: Wednesday, June 16, 2004 9:59 PM To: Claude Stephens Subject: Chapter 1 of my novel in progress Hey Claude! Here is chapter 1 of my novel. Coming into Power Received: from atlantic.ocean.fsu.edu (128.186.3.39) by gateway1.nettally.com (Alligate(TM) SMTP Gateway v1.4.612.2) with ESMPT id for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 13:57:27 -0500 Received: from [216.180.126.189] (tnt12-216-180-126-189.dialup.hiwaay.net [216.180.126.189]) by atlantic.ocean.fsu.edu (SGI-8.9.3/8.9.3) with ESMTP id NAA04065 for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 13:57:55 -0400 (EDT) Mime-Version: 1.0 (Apple Message framework v618) In-Reply-To: <200406211717.i5LHHe2x025832@polaris.net> References: <200406211717.i5LHHe2x025832@polaris.net> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII; format=flowed Message-Id: <75569D21-C3AC-11D8-B900-000A95D09248@ocean.fsu.edu> Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit From: "W. Sturges" Subject: Re: Chapter 1 of my novel in progrress Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 13:57:27 -0400 To: Kermit Rose X-Mailer: Apple Mail (2.618) X-Alligate: Not subscribed X-Declude-Status: Waiting for activation code Status: RO Bob and Ray are an old-time Radio Program team who did humor. they may have been on TV but I was a radio fan in my earlier days. t On Jun 21, 2004, at 1:17 PM, Kermit Rose wrote: > Hello Tony! >> >> Hi, Kermit, >> >> Except for Helen pressing her leg, I would have thought for a >> minute that it was a Bob and Ray episode! > > > Who is Ray? > > >> >> I am in the middle of a couple of other things -- out of town on a >> trip >> -- and I'll get back to you soon. tony > > > Thanks. > > > Kermit > kermit@polaris.net > > From nacro@unfpa.org Mon Jun 21 19:41:55 2004 Return-Path: Received: from mxfs.nettally.com (mxfs.nettally.com [199.44.114.227]) by nexus.polaris.net (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id i5LNfsOd008863 for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 19:41:54 -0400 (EDT) Received: from gateway2.nettally.com [199.44.114.220] by mxfs.nettally.com with ESMTP (SMTPD32-8.03) id A240D2E2012A; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 19:41:52 -0400 Received: from fpamgw1.unfpa.org (57.69.17.243) by gateway2.nettally.com (Alligate(TM) SMTP Gateway v1.4.612.2) with ESMPT id for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 19:41:46 -0500 Received: from fpamgw1.unfpa.org (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by fpamgw1.unfpa.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id i5LNWFXx007091 for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 19:32:15 -0400 (EDT) Received: from unfpa.org ([149.120.6.73]) (authenticated bits=0) by fpamgw1.unfpa.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id i5LNWFji007088 for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 19:32:15 -0400 (EDT) Message-ID: <40D77237.4090705@unfpa.org> Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 19:41:43 -0400 From: Kourtoum Nacro Organization: UNFPA User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.0; en-US; rv:1.4) Gecko/20030624 Netscape/7.1 (ax) X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Kermit Rose Subject: Re: Chapter 1 of my novel in progress References: <200406211829.i5LITjjG028343@polaris.net> In-Reply-To: <200406211829.i5LITjjG028343@polaris.net> Content-Type: text/html; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Alligate: Not subscribed X-Declude-Status: Waiting for activation code Status: ROr Hello Kermit,

I enjoyed reading your second chapter as well. I am happy to know that Kathleen and you are having fun! When you are in Tallahassee, please check with Carmen's Department (Urban and Regional Planning).

Take care,

Timi

Kermit Rose wrote:

Hello Timi

Dear Kermit,

Good to hear from you.  I was wondering what you were up to.



**  smile **  I'm also tutoring kids at FSU in math and statistics.

How are 
Kathleen and your children and their own children?


Good.   Our granddaughter Serna had her 4th birthday recently.  Her younger brother is about 18 month, and her older 
brother is now officially a teenager because he had his 13th birthday recently (May 27th).


Our Son does not yet have any Children.  Our daughter is currently living in Tallahassee, so we get to see all our 
grandchildren frequently.


Kathleen and I are both in North Carolina currently.  Kathleen is attending her church quoir music conference.

This past weekend, Kathleen and I both enjoyed a weekend contra dance at the college in the next town over, about 9 
miles from the conference center.

I found the first 
chapter very interesting and I encourage you to continue writing,


Thank you.

I'll send you the next chapter 2 which is very short.

Have you ever heard from or saw Carmen Warren?


Noooooooooooooooo,    I haven't heard from her.   And it's impossible to find her by internet search because Carmen 
Warren is such a common name.

From judyg@nettally.com Mon Jun 21 20:51:17 2004 Return-Path: Received: from mxfs.nettally.com (mxfs.nettally.com [199.44.114.227]) by nexus.polaris.net (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id i5M0pGSG010885 for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 20:51:16 -0400 (EDT) Received: from gateway1.nettally.com [199.44.114.221] by mxfs.nettally.com with ESMTP (SMTPD32-8.03) id A28266800122; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 20:51:14 -0400 Received: from nettally.com (199.44.114.224) by gateway1.nettally.com (Alligate(TM) SMTP Gateway v1.4.612.2) with ESMPT id <9FFDD153098DC864.8C5AF3DD67E4CFCA@gateway1.nettally.com> for ; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 20:51:09 -0500 Received: from dhovey [199.44.16.67] by nettally.com (SMTPD32-8.04) id A272F9001E; Mon, 21 Jun 2004 20:50:58 -0400 Message-ID: <002f01c457f4$7d9e9c80$43102cc7@dhovey> From: "Judy G" To: "Kermit Rose" References: <200406211921.i5LJLVfR000239@polaris.net> Subject: Re: Chapter 1 of my novel in progress Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 21:01:44 -0400 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2800.1409 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2800.1409 X-Alligate: Not subscribed X-Declude-Status: Waiting for activation code Status: ROr Kermit, You may certainly choose whomever you wish. Lee will edit for grammar not content and appeal. But he will do that well. You really ought to attend the meeting Thursday to hear an author who knows her way around. Judy ----- Original Message ----- From: "Kermit Rose" To: Sent: Monday, June 21, 2004 3:21 PM Subject: Re: Chapter 1 of my novel in progress > Hello Judy! > > > > > Kermit, > > I will glance over this, but I do charge for editing and would be happy to do that for you. > > > Ah. I'm not yet ready for professional editing. I'll submit it to Lee Raymond when I get the last chapter completed. > > > > Have you finished other > chapters? I generally like to do a complete critque and then work chapter by chapter with the writer. > > Your offer does suggest the value of getting a second opinion even for novel writing. Time will tell > > > Kermit > kermit@polaris.net > > > > > From alacrity2001@msn.com Tue Jun 22 13:48:57 2004 Return-Path: Received: from mxfs.nettally.com (mxfs.nettally.com [199.44.114.227]) by nexus.polaris.net (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id i5MHmuTE008052 for ; Tue, 22 Jun 2004 13:48:57 -0400 (EDT) Received: from gateway3.nettally.com [199.44.114.226] by mxfs.nettally.com with ESMTP (SMTPD32-8.03) id A105D29F00E6; Tue, 22 Jun 2004 13:48:53 -0400 Received: from hotmail.com (65.54.171.5) by gateway3.nettally.com (Alligate(TM) SMTP Gateway v1.4.612.2) with ESMPT id <9A3039479A4AB47F.885D14E6013EEBD7@gateway3.nettally.com> for ; Tue, 22 Jun 2004 13:48:46 -0500 Received: from mail pickup service by hotmail.com with Microsoft SMTPSVC; Tue, 22 Jun 2004 10:48:37 -0700 Received: from 207.156.48.25 by by4fd.bay4.hotmail.msn.com with HTTP; Tue, 22 Jun 2004 17:48:37 GMT X-Originating-IP: [207.156.48.25] X-Originating-Email: [alacrity2001@msn.com] X-Sender: alacrity2001@msn.com From: "Peggy Adair" To: kermit@polaris.net Subject: Peggy Adair writes Date: Tue, 22 Jun 2004 13:48:37 -0400 Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; format=flowed Message-ID: X-OriginalArrivalTime: 22 Jun 2004 17:48:37.0774 (UTC) FILETIME=[2594A2E0:01C45881] X-Alligate: Not subscribed X-Declude-Status: Waiting for activation code Status: ROr Hi Kermit, Dancing in NC sounds like a pleasant excursion for you and Kathleen.I've been to Lake Junaluska. Glad you enjoy one another and give yourselves distance to be individuals. Your children are watching your good example. Thanks for letting me know that Molly did send comment to you about tutoring. She is so capable of connecting with people. I am concerned about the diversity of contact where she is now. She may not be allowed to use her email right now. I wonder how long her email letters will wait for her. Wouldn't it be cool for her to check her box one day and it overflowed with notes from people who loved and cared for her? You can send Chapter two. I am rather perturbed at this moment about my necessary adjustment to family life which appears to be sudden empty nest syndrome. LIke a death, I am in shock as to how to carry on. The element of strife is replaced with the sounds of silence. I don't imagine my adjustment time will be difficult. Maybe you chapters will find a way into my new pace. Thanks for thinking of me. I never heard you say why you want to write a novel. Have you told me? Hello to Kathleen. Peggy >From: Kermit Rose <kermit@polaris.net> >To: alacrity2001@msn.com (Peggy Adair) >Subject: Re: Peggy Adair writes >Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 12:19:08 -0400 (EDT) > > > > > <html><div style='background-color:'><DIV class=RTE> > > Hi Kermit, > > Thanks for the peek.  > >How are ya?  > >I'm fine. Thanks. This past weekend Kathleen and I enjoyed contra dancing at this small college in North Carolina. >At the moment I don't remember the spelling of the town it's end or the name of the college. > >Today, Monday, through next Friday, June 25th, Kathleen and I will stay at Montreat for her church choir music >conference. While Kathleen is attending church and doing her music thing, I'm at the college computer lab doing my >computer thing. > > > > The air in this story conveys that you must be feeling fluid and charged.  > >You describe the process of developing ideas. > > > > Like a rocket....  Funny how we > > can create the world with a pen.  You can even stop a rocket.  > >*** smile **** > > > > A few years ago, for five years, I edited a novel.  Enormous energy was involved.  I actually > > suggested the beginnings and raised that baby through a hearty childhood.  A good friend was writing > > it.  Illusions of granduer hit his head and a series was declared.  > >I would hope for a series. But, time will tell if I will have time to finish even this first novel. > > > > > Yet he was still writing a > > story.  All at once I was informed that another person was handling the editing and was going to package > > the "book" and market it.  I was dropped abruptly and was informed of the party that became.  > > >Lee Raymond of the Tallahassee Writer's association has promised to help me self publish when I complete it. > > > > That story was self-published by thie writer. The concept of such a thing busted my circuits. Being > recognized by the great industry of publishing connects a person to the history of man! This was even an historical > novel!!!  Such good writing and diligent collaboration was involved.  The "book" was promised > to be sent to me.  Eventually, curiosity had me asking for a copy.  One was sent.  It > had credits given to the other person for editing.  The thing was dedicated to me.  I never read it. > > >** smile ** I can imagine your mixed feelings about that book. > > >In general do you enjoy reading historical novels? Do you feel that good writers should research the history to get >it accurate, or should they depend on their own current understanding, expecting it to be similar to what other >readers would expect? > > > > Barfaroni.  > > Kermit, maybe you can see something apparent.  When you ask me what I think about your first >chapter....  I have thousands of questions that could flush out of me.  I am not simply spoken about this >request of yours.  I would rather have your friendship than walk the same path.  The "friendship" that I >suggested be revived with the person I have told you about, stipulated that we keep the writing out of it.  The >rest is awkward and now that a couple of years has passed, the concept of friendship with stipulations is >absurd.  Always watching the line, wondering what it is, how can it be defined;  you get the point.  A >friendhip lost.  We only pretend to be nice now. > > >Ah. I do value your friendship. When I sent chapter 1 out to many of my friends, I expected that most would simply >say how nice it is, others would say, send me the rest of it, and others would makd off the cuff remarks that would be >helpful, and still others would make a detailed analysis. I want you to do exactly what you feel like with respect to >my writing. Make any comments you care to, and only those comments. I do not wish you to feel any burden on our >friendship. > > > > > Maybe I will write about this experience beyond what I have shared with you.  It has the makings of a >book!  Funny--I have heard myself say a thousand times,"I want to write a book."  A book is one way of >packaging writing.  It could be journaling would be sufficent, a letter- like this, a poster, grafitti, a letter >to the editor in a newspaper.  > >I would enjoy it if you did some of your journaling in email to me. > > > > Making a book is a highly sophisticated endeavor.  I have studied publishing > for about thirty years.  It isn't nearly as much fun as "original book making".  Kermit, I tell you, you > must know what kind of energy and the amount of it that you are willing to dedicate to your story.  > > >Yes. I know that my book takes second place to my math tutoring. So when my tutoring schedule gets filled, I have no >time for the book. > > > > Right now, to > me, it looks like a young adult (a catagory in the library) story, because it skips around to so many subjects in a > short amount of time.  A wonderful catagory of books for "reluctant readers" exists now and grabs the attention > of people who need short, small, lots of white space, non-threatening words.  Reading, for me, still represents > an assingment from some intimidating English teacher, so I am a reluctant reader and quite enjoy those books.  > > >Yes. I wish the novel to be accessible to teenagers, and I wish adults who like this categore of stories to like it >also. > > > > The packaging of books is left out of your hands once a publisher takes it.  You can chew your > tongue if you have stars in your eyes about "being published".  I have a friend who "made it" and > she has to leave her lovely home all of the time and promote her book all over the place, often not knowing or > caring anymore where she is.  Then she has to come home and write more to keep up a contract, with that frame of > mind and exhausted state. > > >This makes clear one of the advantages of self publishing. > > > > I learn some about my interest by observing others.  Pretty much, I have decided that I do not want others > to have to pay for my energy directly.  That leaves me with needing to arrange a sponsor or a patron or give it > away.  This concept may slight me for my interest in receiving recognition for my work.  The Florida > Humanities Council does this for a roving band of great actors who are like Hal Holbrook portraying Mark Twain.  > I was so charged from the AUDIENCE at a performance held at the Junior Museum and again at the LCPLibrary.  We > were informed, literate, focused and delighted.  The actress was well studied beyond belief.  Kermit, you > have the capacity to wow folks with your abilities.  Figure how you want to interact with others.  Your > novel will find its packaging if you give it the courtesy to have a life of its own, or you may be dragging > hog-tied behind some publishers horse, if you are "lucky".  You may also live with the sadness of not selling the > product that was not carefully marketed.  See what you are up to.  This will carry through your every word > as you write and give you connection with the world you live in and want to participate in. > > >Yes. I protect myself against disapointment by knowing that the novel might not sell well. Time will tell. > > > > > > Did you ask? > > I have your book that Molly left behind when she went to stay with her aunt and uncle in Gainesville.  She > flew the coup in a pathetic way, meaning she is not disconnected from me like she rebelliously may think she is.  > > >Has she emailed you yet? A few months ago, she did send me an email thanking me for my efforts at tutoring. > > > > > I remain:  I understand complete sentences. > > >So the "I remain" is a complete sentence. ** smile ** > >Indeed it is, and I see the meaning that it would have as a complete sentence. > > >Do you wish me to send chapter 2 for your enjoyment? > >Kermit >kermit@polaris.net > > > > _________________________________________________________________ Is your PC infected? Get a FREE online computer virus scan from McAfee® Security. http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963 From Atgarden@aol.com Tue Jun 22 14:54:31 2004 Return-Path: Received: from mxfs.nettally.com (mxfs.nettally.com [199.44.114.227]) by nexus.polaris.net (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id i5MIsTLq009929 for ; Tue, 22 Jun 2004 14:54:29 -0400 (EDT) Received: from gateway1.nettally.com [199.44.114.221] by mxfs.nettally.com with ESMTP (SMTPD32-8.03) id A062A8490102; Tue, 22 Jun 2004 14:54:26 -0400 Received: from imo-m26.mx.aol.com (64.12.137.7) by gateway1.nettally.com (Alligate(TM) SMTP Gateway v1.4.612.2) with ESMPT id <936F5C1EAC9E225C.ABC182C5596B3195@gateway1.nettally.com> for ; Tue, 22 Jun 2004 14:54:23 -0500 Received: from Atgarden@aol.com by imo-m26.mx.aol.com (mail_out_v37_r2.6.) id q.cf.fbb615f (17377) for ; Tue, 22 Jun 2004 14:54:18 -0400 (EDT) From: Atgarden@aol.com Message-ID: Date: Tue, 22 Jun 2004 14:54:18 EDT Subject: Re: Chapter 2 To: kermit@polaris.net MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="-----------------------------1087930457" X-Mailer: 9.0 for Windows sub 5032 X-Alligate: Not subscribed X-Declude-Status: Waiting for activation code Status: ROr -------------------------------1087930457 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Chapter 2 didn't come through. Can you try again? Alice -------------------------------1087930457 Content-Type: text/html; charset="US-ASCII" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Chapter 2 didn't come through. Can you try again?

Alice

-------------------------------1087930457-- From ahernm@wsu.edu Tue Jun 22 21:16:54 2004 Return-Path: Received: from mxfs.nettally.com (mxfs.nettally.com [199.44.114.227]) by nexus.polaris.net (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id i5N1GrHs020796 for ; Tue, 22 Jun 2004 21:16:53 -0400 (EDT) Received: from gateway3.nettally.com [199.44.114.226] by mxfs.nettally.com with ESMTP (SMTPD32-8.03) id AA03B8D00D2; Tue, 22 Jun 2004 21:16:51 -0400 Received: from cougar.it.wsu.edu (134.121.1.10) by gateway3.nettally.com (Alligate(TM) SMTP Gateway v1.4.612.2) with ESMPT id <9F363BA4783E538C.A9E713DC0C3AA888@gateway3.nettally.com> for ; Tue, 22 Jun 2004 21:16:46 -0500 Received: from Ahern.wsu.edu (goat65.spokane.wsu.edu [199.237.68.65]) by cougar.it.wsu.edu (8.12.10/8.12.10) with ESMTP id i5N1GhiV016770 for ; Tue, 22 Jun 2004 18:16:43 -0700 (PDT) Message-Id: <5.1.0.14.0.20040622181656.01e0a008@mail.wsu.edu> X-Sender: ahernm@mail.wsu.edu X-Mailer: QUALCOMM Windows Eudora Version 5.1 Date: Tue, 22 Jun 2004 18:17:31 -0700 To: kermit@polaris.net From: Melissa Ahern Subject: Re: Chapter 1 of my novel in progress In-Reply-To: <40D0E1B8.7328.2D61648@localhost> References: <5.1.0.14.0.20030206155856.03831a50@mail.wsu.edu> <3E42489A.22543.289A0B@localhost> Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format=flowed X-Virus-Scanned: by amavisd-milter (http://amavis.org/) X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 2.60 (1.212-2003-09-23-exp) on cougar.it.wsu.edu X-Spam-Status: No, hits=-2.0 required=6.0 tests=FROM_WSU autolearn=no version=2.60 X-Spam-Level: X-Alligate: Not subscribed X-Declude-Status: Waiting for activation code Status: ROr Hi, Kermit, Hey, its great to hear from you. I'm getting ready to go out of town, and don't have time to read this now, but I will soon, and will let you know what I think of it! Looking forward... m At 12:11 AM 6/17/2004 -0400, you wrote: >Hello Melissa! > >Tell me what you think of my first chapter. > > > Coming into Power > Melissa Ahern, M.B.A., Ph.D. Department of Health Policy and Administration, W.S.U. Spokane P.O. Box 1495 Spokane, WA 99210-1495 Phone: 509 358-7982 Fax: 509-358-7984 From pamela@rosewoodcenter.com Fri Jun 25 10:15:17 2004 Return-Path: Received: from mxfs.nettally.com (mxfs.nettally.com [199.44.114.227]) by nexus.polaris.net (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id i5PEFFxv026348 for ; Fri, 25 Jun 2004 10:15:15 -0400 (EDT) Received: from gateway3.nettally.com [199.44.114.226] by mxfs.nettally.com with ESMTP (SMTPD32-8.03) id A36F88E500C2; Fri, 25 Jun 2004 10:15:11 -0400 Received: from gull.mail.pas.earthlink.net (207.217.120.84) by gateway3.nettally.com (Alligate(TM) SMTP Gateway v1.4.612.2) with ESMPT id <818AD5D8EFADA905.AF02CB5450D1E223@gateway3.nettally.com> for ; Fri, 25 Jun 2004 10:15:00 -0500 Received: from dialup-4.238.29.129.dial1.orlando1.level3.net ([4.238.29.129] helo=Curtis) by gull.mail.pas.earthlink.net with smtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 1BdrTl-0004W5-00 for kermit@polaris.net; Fri, 25 Jun 2004 07:14:57 -0700 Message-ID: <000901c45abe$caee56c0$811dee04@Curtis> From: To: "Kermit Rose" References: <200406211946.i5LJkY1d001137@polaris.net> Subject: Re: Chapter 2 and chapter 3 Date: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 10:14:54 -0400 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2800.1409 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2800.1409 X-Alligate: Not subscribed X-Declude-Status: Waiting for activation code Status: ROr Hi, Kermit: As for your reponses regarding Chapter 3, perhaps if you send me the "car of the future" details I could come up with a suggestion for how you might hint at the differences in this chapter. However, I do not think it is necessary to do that at this time. On the other hand, I do think it is necessary to indicate Angela's disability even by her coming out and saying she has one if it is not obvious or by one of the other characters (I suggest Joe, as it would be more in line with his personality) noticing but not saying it out loud, in order to make her "never driving" more believable. As for Chapter 4, I'm not a scientist so the "oxygen extractor" and "alien detector" devices seem plausible. However, it is important that they be scientifically sound for most sci-fi enthusiasts to want to read the rest of the book. Overall, I like the dialogue and relationship interplay of this chapter and the professional calmness with which they deal with a critical situation. I already like these two characters. Meanwhile, I received your status update on making one of the astronauts a personal friend of Helen. I don't yet know how the moon problem fits into the story, but in any case a more personal connection would probably enhance the drama, as long as the relationship makes sense. Off-hand, a friendship between an astronaut and a singer doesn't seem likely, unless they were childhood friends or related in some way. On the other hand, I do see a possible connection between them regarding the "Anti-tobacco" issue??? Thanks for sharing and have a nice weekend, Pam ----- Original Message ----- From: "Kermit Rose" To: Sent: Monday, June 21, 2004 3:46 PM Subject: Re: Chapter 2 and chapter 3 > Hello Pam! > > > > > > Hi, Kermit: > > > > Though not a huge > > problem, I have a concern that Chapter 2 is rather short. > > > Yes. I felt the same qualms, but did not see any natural way to make it longer. Perhaps later I'll merge it with > chapter 3. > > > Meanwhile, the > > changes to Chapter 3 help a lot. The explanation on the location of the > > beach does seem plausible. > > Thanks. > > > > However, if the vehicles are different from > > present automobiles, nothing in the text gives the reader that impression at > > this point, but you may not want to indicate that yet. > > Mainly it's that I haven't thought of a way to hint of the differences before I'm ready to describe the details. > > > > As for Angela's > > disability, I still do not have a real clue that she has one and what that > > might be. > > > I'll think some more about that. > > > > Also, I don't really see any more foreshadowing of Helen's future > > powers then in the last version, > > > Yes. I do need to work more on this too. > > > but the responses of Joe and Bob to the > > powers are more in line with Helen's in this version. > > > > > Finally, the > > characters of Joe and Bob are acting true to the nature of each side so far > > and that is very good. > > > Thanks. > > > > > Though I am honored that you would like to consider me as a co-auther, I > > really just enjoy sharing in this informal way on the book. If you make an > > acknowledgment to those who helped at the front of the book, you could > > mention my name there. > > > If my acknowledgements can get into the published version, then I add, > > > "And I thank Pam Russo for her very detailed, chapter by chapter, analysis." > > > > Looking forward to what will happen next! > > > > Chapter 4 > > Melody Armstrong, standing on the moon's surface, watched the > dials of the oxygen extractor. They had lost essential oxygen when the > liftoff failed. This oxygen extractor had been one of the new devices > they were to test. Now their lives depended on it working well. > The oxygen extractor operated very simply. Melody would put moon > rocks into the machine. Then Hydrogen reacted with oxygen compounds in > the moon rocks, producing water. Next an electric current split water > into oxygen and hydrogen. Unfortunately, not all the water and hydrogen > could be recovered. > First some of the water stuck to the walls of the machine and to > the remains of the moon rocks. Second, Hydrogen reacted with other > compounds in the moon rocks. And some of the hydrogen simply leaked > through the supposedly air tight joints of the machine. > Her suitphone rang. Melody smiled when she saw first the > Earthlink signal, and then Grant's face on her phone monitor. "Hello, > Gaunt", Melody said as she opened the connection. > "Hello, Melody. I don't have much to report on my Anti-tobacco > broadcast site as yet. I have made some progress setting it up, but I'm > not having any luck finding someone to program it." Grant didn't comment > on Melody's use of his nickname instead of his proper name. Grant had > gotten used to people first calling him gaunt Grant, and then eventually, > just Gaunt. > Melody expressed her confidence. "I know you'll solve this > problem as quickly and as easily as you solve all problems that come to > you. It seems to me that many people would jump at the chance to programm > an internet broadcast website. Is it true that you invented the protocols > for internet broadcasting?" > "Yes. It's true. And for five more years, I keep the sole right > to grant licenses for internet broadcasting, provided the courts agree > with my choices. But now I have a question for you." > Melody guessed what Grant wanted to know. "The oxygen extractor > is working well. We should have enough oxygen for liftoff in a couple of > days." > "Great! How is the hydrogen holding up?" > Melody expressed her worry. "I'm only losing about one part in a > hundred of the hydrogen for each cycle of the oxygen extraction. It looks > like we'll have enough hydrogen left for liftoff but just barely." > "Hmmm ... It would be good if you found some rocks rich with > water. Then you could obtain more hydrogen and make sure you had more > than enough hydrogen for liftoff. I think that the survey showed some > water bearing rocks about a mile from you." > Melody laughted. "When you read about the presense of water, you > didn't bother looking at how much water was found, did you?" > Grant's face showed his embarasshment. "You are right. I guess I > jumped to the conlusion that it would not have been reported if it was not > of practical importance. Silly me. I should be used to what other > scientists find important by now." > Grant continued, "But you don't really need to worry about running > out of water do you?" > Melody agreed. "That's correct. Lucky for us that we can recycle > our water supply. We could stay here almost indefinitely except that > we would run out of food in one more day. We might have to go hungry for > a day or two before we can lift off." > > > Grant changed the subject. "Did you discover why the Oxygen tank > failed at liftoff?" > "Sure did. But the oxygen tank didn't fail. The hydrogen tank > is the one that failed. We had re-designed the hydrogen tanks to cut off > if the airflow exceeded the safe amount. However, the hydrogen tanks > still had settings calibrated for Earth. On the airless moon, because > the air initially flows more quickly, we needed to re-calibrate. We've > fixed the problem now." > "Then why did you lose oxygen?" > "Because the oxygen continued to flow into the reaction chamber > until the computer system responsible for monitoring the reaction shut > off the oxygen tank." > "I see." Grant said it in a way that made him sound like an > expert on the moon rocket. > Melody grinned. Gaunt may not be a rocket scientist, but he > definitely knew his electronics. Melody exclaimed, "Hey Gaunt, you > haven't asked me about your invisible alien detectors!" > > Grant gave one of his rare smiles. "That's right. I haven't. > That's because I can see from my instruments that you've already deployed > them. I can assure you that no invisible aliens have landed on the moon > anywhere near you." > Melody laughed again. "You know that I don't believe in your > invisible aliens. Unlike you, I never saw a saucer flying toward the > full moon suddenly vanish. I'm surprised that you convinced the boss to > let us bring your detectors to the moon. How are they supposed to work > anyway?" > "They continuously emit low intensity radio waves to get a radar > picture of the surroundings. They monitor the distance between > themselves and points on the moon." > Melody said, "I still don't get it. How will knowing the > distance between the detector and places on the moon tell you if there > are invisible aliens?" > Grant replied, "The way an alien would make itself invisible > would be to make any light or, in this case, radio waves, go around it. > The radar signals would suddenly go a longer distance to reach their > target. It would be as if the background target suddenly moved farther > away. Yet there wouldn't be any corresponding Doppler shift." > Melody said, "Now I get it. You check to see if everything stays > in the same place. If something appears to move, but doesn't really > move, you know an invisible alien has intercepted your radar signal." > Grant agreed. "Yes. I will let you know if any aliens, visible > or invisible, have landed in your neighborhood." > "Okay, Grant. It's a deal. See you when I get back home." > Melody smiled as she cut the connection. She wondered how such a > brilliant person like Gaunt could believe in such nonsense as invisible > aliens. She remembered again that many times Gaunt had sold electronic > systems to Supermarket chains at cost in order to get his designs spread > across the country. Were any of them alien detectors? > > > > >